How to "Soften" Your English

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Saying things indirectly is sometimes necessary to protect people's feelings and keep your relationships strong. In situations like these, it's important to know how to make what you say sound softer. This article will introduce several tips to help you do this well.

What Does “Softening” Mean?

You "soften" your language when you speak less directly and avoid blaming or judging others. Instead, your communication is more neutral and open.

For example, calling someone "overweight" sounds much different than saying they're "fat." In a similar way, telling a coworker, "I'm not sure I agree" isn't quite the same as "No, that's a bad idea."

Softening is useful for sharing opinions, giving feedback and making requests politely. That means it's a helpful tool in many situations. Let's look at some different ways to make our language softer.

Softening Feedback

A person feeling happy and sad responding to positive and negative feedback

Think about these situations:

Your partner asks how their cooking tastes.
A new employee wants to know what you think of her report.
Your artist friend wants your opinion of his new painting.

When we're asked for feedback and we only have positive things to say, we can usually speak freely. But when you think something could be better, you'll want to be careful when giving your opinion.

Most of the time, critical feedback should be given in a way that mentions where someone can improve without discouraging them from trying again.

Adding a positive statement

A great way to soften your feedback is to add a positive statement to lessen the impact of the criticism. Look at the following pairs of examples:

This cake is too dry.
I really like the icing, but I think the cake needs more milk.

The conclusion needs to be improved.
The introduction and body are great, but the conclusion could be stronger.

The first sentences are a little too direct. The second sentences are softer because they include good points alongside the criticism.

Responding to incorrect answers

No one enjoys being told they're wrong, especially in a direct way. So "no," "incorrect," "wrong," etc. are poor choices to express this. Even adding a simple "Sorry, but ~" will soften your language a lot.

However, there are also other options you can use:

Good guess! But the correct answer is ~
That's close! Actually ~
Not quite. The answer is ~
Well, not exactly. It's actually ~

Of course, with very close friends, you don't have to be so careful. But for other times, a softened correction will help to keep the communication friendly and positive.

Using qualifiers

Terms like "a bit" and "a little" are simple, effective ways to soften language. Let's look at how to use them when expressing your opinion.

Your music is too loud.
Excuse me, but your music is a bit too loud.

Both statements say the same thing, but the sentence with "a bit" doesn't sound as aggressive or judgmental.

You can replace "a bit" with "a little" or "slightly" to get the same effect.

This sauce is a little too spicy. / This sauce is slightly too spicy.

The opposite of this is "not quite ~~ enough."

This sauce isn't quite spicy enough. Add some more seasoning!

Softening Requests

A woman holding out a bowl of vegetables to offer them to someone else sitting at a large dinner table

Just like feedback and opinions, questions and requests can be softened with the right words and phrases.

While adding a simple "please" to your request is nice, try some other options for a stronger softening effect.

Asking about ability

One soft way of making a request is to ask if someone is able to do something for you.

Please take out the garbage.
Can you take out the garbage for me, please?

Please pass the salt.
Could you pass the salt, please?

These requests are basically all the same, but the second examples are much more polite.

Using “we” instead of “you”

Try using "we" and "let's" to encourage a feeling of teamwork and shared responsibility. This is especially useful if you don't agree with someone's idea or method.

I want to make this whole section red.

How about we make just this area red and try black for the other part?

Should I do it all now?

Let's focus on the first part for now. We'll do the rest later.

Wrap-up

There are times when using direct, straightforward language is the best choice. But generally, softening what you say will create a friendlier feeling that can help your relationships to stay healthy.

The suggestions we've introduced here may seem small, but their effects can be large. If you'd like to practice using them in a real conversation, give them a try in a lesson with an Engoo tutor!