5 Tips on Saying “No” to Invitations in the Nicest Way Possible

A friend has just invited you to a picnic. Or a birthday party. Or a wedding. But unfortunately, you can’t go or just aren’t interested. What do you say?

Especially if the event is very important to your friend, you'll want to decline their invitation gently to avoid hurting their feelings. So below are five tips for nicely saying “No” to invitations in English.

Decline the pre-invitation

Someone who wants to invite you to something will probably first ask something like: “What are you doing [tonight, this weekend, etc.]?” This is the “pre-invitation.” For example:

If you know you’re going to be busy and want to avoid an invitation, you can hint that you already have plans.

Say that you can’t go

When saying why you can't accept an invitation, a good strategy is to mention reasons that you cannot control. This shows that you're refusing the invitation because you have to, not because you want to. 

I won’t be able to ...

• I have a business trip then, so I won’t be able to come. Sorry!
• I have an important meeting then, so I won’t be able to attend the party. Have a good time without me, though!

I’ll have to ...

• Sorry, but it looks like I’ll have to miss your baby shower. I have a doctor’s appointment that day.
• I’ll have to pass. My soccer team has practice scheduled for that time.

Sorry, I can’t. / I can’t, sorry.

These might seem direct, but they're OK if used carefully. It means “Sorry, I can’t (come to your event) and I feel bad,” and it’s usually said in a sad tone and with a disappointed facial expression.

• Sorry, I can’t! I’m up to my ears in work.
• I can’t, sorry. I'm taking my kids to the movies that day.

Show that you’re interested

If someone was nice enough to invite you to something, it’s polite to show that you’re interested even if you can’t (or don't want to) go. Here are some ways to do this.

I’d love to, but … / I wish I could, but …

• I’d love to come, but I have so much stuff to do at the office, so I can't make it. Sorry!
• I wish I could, but I’m working my shift at the coffee shop then.

If I’d known earlier/sooner ...

• If I had known sooner, I’d definitely have made time for this!
• If only I’d known earlier! My schedule is all full now, unfortunately.

(I’m) Sad … 

This is best for text messages and emails rather than face-to-face conversations.

• So sad I’m missing your big day. Make sure to post lots of pictures!
• Sad I can’t make it to your concert. Let me know how it goes!

Say you already have plans

If you need to miss something important, it’s best if you can provide reasons why. For example, some of the sentences above mention sickness, business trips, moving and other reasons for not being able to attend something.

However, if the invitation isn’t for a major event, or if you simply prefer not to mention details, you can use one of the following expressions.

I already have plans. / I’ve already made plans.

• I already have plans that evening. Sorry!
• I would love to come, but I’ve already made plans that week!

I’ve already committed to something (else).

• Unfortunately, I’ve already committed to something else this Wednesday. How about the same time next Wednesday?
• I just committed to something that day, so I’ll have to pass. Maybe next time!

I’m away. / I’m out of town.

• I’m away this whole week. What about next week?
• Sorry, but we’ll be out of town then.

Thank the host and wish them well

Use these phrases to express that even though you won't attend, you want your friend's event to be a success.

Thanks for … / I appreciate .... / It’s kind of you to ...

• Thanks for the invitation. I really appreciate you thinking of me!
• Unfortunately, we’ve already made other plans, but thanks for thinking of us!
• We’ll be out of town then, but it’s really kind of you to invite us!

I hope … / I’m sure …

• I can’t go, but I hope it goes well!
• I can’t come to your art gallery opening, but I’m sure it’ll be a success!

I’ll be there in spirit!

“In spirit” means that even if you’re not there physically, you’ll be thinking of the friend who invited you and supporting them through hopes and wishes.

• I’m sad I can’t make it to your concert, but I’ll be there in spirit.
• I can’t come to the celebration in person, but I’ll definitely be there in spirit!

Wrap-up

If we accepted every invitation we receive, we'd have little time for ourselves! Luckily, declining politely is easy if you know the correct phrases to use.

For a list of ways to say "No" much more casually, be sure to read "No Way, José!" Other Ways to Say "No". And for more tips on polite English usage, we have a collection of helpful articles you can find here.

Finally, if you'd like practice using any of these phrases with the right tone of voice and facial expressions, book a lesson with an Engoo tutor. They're available any time of day and would be happy to help you!

• other ways to say
• politeness