What Does it Mean to "Soften" Your Language?
Different cultures have different ideas about being direct in speech and actions. However, no matter where in the world you live, there will be times when saying things in an indirect way is important to protect someone's feelings and keep strong, healthy relationships. For these types of situations, it's important to know how to soften your language.
How do you soften your language?
Basically, softening is a way of speaking that is less direct and that avoids blaming or judging others. Instead of "pointing a finger" at someone, it is more neutral and open. For example, saying that someone is "overweight" has a much different feeling than calling them "fat." Similarly, telling someone "I'm not sure I agree" isn't quite the same as "No, that's a terrible idea."
Softening is useful for sharing opinions, giving feedback and making requests in a polite way. That means it's a helpful tool in a wide variety of situations. Let's look at some different ways to make our language softer.
Giving feedback
It's not hard to think of times when you're asked for feedback. Here are just a few examples:
- Your mother asks how her cooking tastes.
- Your new employee wants to know what you think of his report.
- Your artistic friend wants your opinion on her new painting.
Of course, there are times when you will be amazed and will only have positive things to say. For the cases when you think something could be better, you'll want to be careful when giving feedback. Most of the time, it should be given in a way that points out where someone can improve without discouraging them from trying again.
Adding a positive statement
A great way to soften your feedback is by adding a positive statement to "cushion" or reduce the impact of the criticism.
This cake is too dry.
I really like the icing, but I think the cake needs more milk.
The conclusion needs to be improved.
The introduction is great, but the conclusion could be stronger.
In these pairs of examples, the first sentences are a little too direct. The second sentences are softer because they include good points together with the criticism.
Responding to incorrect answers
You can use a similar technique when someone answers a question or guesses incorrectly. No one enjoys being told they are wrong, especially in a direct way. So "no," "incorrect," "wrong," etc. are poor choices to express this. Even adding a simple "Sorry, but~" will soften your language a great deal. But there are other options as well.
Good guess! But the correct answer is~
That's close! Actually~
Not quite. The answer is~
Well, not exactly. It's actually~
Of course, with very close friends, you don't have to be quite so careful. But for other times, a softened correction will help to keep the communication light and friendly.
Using qualifiers
Terms like "a bit" and "a little" are simple but very effective ways to soften language. Let's look at how to use them when expressing your opinion.
Your music is too loud.
Excuse me, but your music is a bit too loud.
Both statements say the same thing, but the sentence with "a bit" doesn't sound as strong or judgmental. It will be much easier for the other person to hear.
You can replace "a bit" with "a little" or "slightly" to get the same effect.
This sauce is a little too spicy.
This sauce is slightly too spicy.
The opposite of this would be "not quite ~~ enough."
This sauce isn't quite spicy enough. Add more pepper!
Making requests
Just like feedback and opinions, questions and requests can be softened with the right words and expressions. While adding a simple "please" to your request is nice, there are several other options that have a stronger softening effect.
Asking about ability
One soft way of making a request is to ask if someone is able to do something for you.
Please take out the garbage.
Can you take out the garbage for me, please?
Please pass the salt.
Could you pass the salt, please?
These requests are basically all the same, but the second examples are much more polite. If you think about it, politeness is really just "soft" manners!
Referring to groups instead of individuals
In groups, try using "we" and "let's" to encourage a feeling of teamwork. This is especially useful if you don't agree with someone's idea or method.
Joe
I want to make this whole section red.
Charli
How about we make just this area red and try black for the other part?
Shauna
Should I do it all now?
Lance
Let's focus on the first part for now. We'll do the rest later.
Easy does it
Of course, there are times when using direct, straightforward language is the best thing to do. But more often, using techniques to soften what you say will create a friendlier feeling that can help your relationships grow and succeed. The suggestions we've introduced here may seem small, but their effects can be large. Please give them a try!
